Son of Bucks Foster Carer, Aaron, shares his experience of growing up in a fostering family
Aaron’s parents have been fostering for 10 years. Though he has now moved out, we spoke to Aaron about what it was like growing up in a foster family.
How did you feel when your parents told you they wanted to start fostering?
I was about 17 at the time. This was 10 years ago and fostering and adoption weren’t talked about in the media as much. I didn’t understand what it really meant as I’d seen things on television about children’s homes from watching things like Tracey Beaker growing up. I thought all children in care lived in a home and went on to be adopted, so fostering was completely unknown to me. Now, I can’t remember a time when we didn’t foster – I can’t remember what life was like! It is just really nice having different people in the house and knowing that you are helping people.
Did you have any nerves or reservations about fostering, to begin with?
We sat down as a family and my parents told us that this was what they wanted to do. My dad was in-between jobs and mum said that as us kids were all growing up now, the house wasn’t as busy as it used to be. We talked about the pros and cons about having someone new coming into the house and about how it could affect us as a family. As a kid, you wonder “what will happen to me if another kid comes to live here?” But the pros definitely outweigh the cons. Once things got moving with the application process, all the fears went away.
What was the assessment process like for you?
We took part in the entire assessment process with our parents. Everyone wants to know that you’re okay with what’s going on and how you’re feeling about things. Throughout the assessment, there was no right or wrong answer. The nerves were more like when you prepare for a job interview that turns out to be a casual chat!
How did fostering impact you as a family?
Fostering has definitely brought us closer as a family. As I said, I can’t remember a time when we didn’t foster. We still did all the things we normally would, and we were able to meet lots of other families in the same situation. The Sons and Daughter’s group run by Buckinghamshire Council was a big help – we got to meet lots of other children whose families foster and make new connections. We went to the seaside once and they also do age-specific activities.
Have you had any difficulties with fostering?
Initially, it’s just getting used to a new way of life. There is always going to be someone else in the house. It’s like starting a new job. Once you’re used to it, it’s second nature.
What advice would you have for any children or young people whose parents are currently thinking about fostering or are already in the assessment process?
Make your worries clear from the beginning. Expressing your concerns at the beginning gives someone, whether it’s your parents or a social worker, the chance to address it and help you with how you feel. Once everything got going, I did not have a single bad experience. Initially, it’s just the fear of the unknown. When you speak to someone about your concerns, you forget what you were worrying about in the first place!
What advice would you have for any parents worrying about how fostering will affect their own children?
That was one of my parents main worries. They had wanted to do it for ages but didn’t know how it would affect us. It’s the not knowing whether the kids will feel they’re not getting enough attention because there is another child in the house. But these things are second nature and part of any family life. Foster children become part of the family.
What has fostering taught you?
It’s definitely shown us the importance of giving back, as well as bringing us all closer. Everyone does their bit to help – whether it’s making dinner while mum looks after the baby or watching the kids while mum and dad enjoy dinner together. It’s like a clockwork operation!
With such a busy lifestyle, how do you all make sure you get quality time together?
It’s just factoring in each situation and setting aside time. We have family games nights on Thursdays. You find things you can fit in, and of course, you can still do normal things like going out for dinner. Fostering acts as a positive addition to our family, not a subtraction.